It’s been one of those weeks. You know the ones—where the calendar looks like a game of Tetris and your energy levels are constantly hitting the “low battery” warning.
Between a fully booked work week and juggling four different medical appointments in town, I’ve been running at my absolute limit.
The Mental and Physical Weight
I’ve had to be very honest with myself lately about my capacity. I am physically and mentally only able to work 4 to 6 hours a week, and this week I hit that max. Even at those hours, the toll is significant.
Work isn’t just a series of tasks anymore; it’s a mental load that puts my PTSD on edge. It’s a frustrating shift to navigate because I never used to have this problem. Things that once felt routine now require a level of emotional regulation that is incredibly taxing. Acknowledging that change is hard, but “pushing through” is no longer an option when the cost is this high.
Finding Strength on the Trainer
Despite the heavy mental load, I did find a win later in the week. I hopped on Zwift for a long ride, and to my surprise, it went better than I expected.
I was pretty wiped out by the end of it, but there was something cathartic about hitting those miles. It was a reminder that even when my mind feels frayed, I can still find a rhythm and move forward.
Breaking the Pattern of Internalizing
Today, the exhaustion has fully caught up with me. When I’m struggling like this, my old “default setting” is to internalize everything—to go quiet, pull inward, and try to shoulder the weight alone.
I’m working hard to change that pattern.
Writing this post is a part of that change. It’s my way of reaching out instead of drawing in. It’s about acknowledging that it’s okay to be tired, it’s okay to be “on edge,” and it’s okay to admit that 6 hours of work can feel like a mountain. Growth isn’t always about doing more; sometimes, it’s just about being honest about where you are.
How do you handle the weeks where the mental load feels heavier than the physical one? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
