Is this really my life?

I woke up this morning, glanced to my left to see my leg, on its side on the floor beside the bed and thought, is this really my life?

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What have I done to deserve this? Why me? This is not fair.

I wanted to jump up and go make a morning cuppa, just the way I used to. But no. I have to grab crutches (have you ever tried to use crutches right after you woke up!?) or I have to go through the rigmarole of putting my liner, socks, leg and limb sleeve on. All just so I can go and make that cuppa.

As the days draw on and we come potentially closer to a decision – I get more and more angry again. Was someone, who had extensive medical training and had control of my medical care, actually directly responsible for the fact that I had to have my leg amputated? Soon I will know.

I’m not sure why this has stirred this all up again for me. I always said it was because people did not listen to me. But to potentially have it written down. Yes, Mr X was responsible. That’s a whole new ball game. Imagine having to sit with that.

As I look at my fake leg lying on the floor, I can’t help but wonder, if they had listened to me in the beginning, would I be here in this position right now?

I spin a positive story on this but in reality- having to be an amputee is pretty shit to be frank.

I’m sick of crutches, sick of limping, sick of not being able to walk properly, sick of looking at my bike on the trainer and not able to use it.

Yeah, I’m just a bit f***led off today. Not all days are rosy positive ones.

Is this really my life? I guess it is. I spent my life making sure I was fit and healthy, did all the right things. I am not diabetic, don’t have high cholesterol and one idiotic consultant who does the wrong thing can change my life for ever in an instant. Gee thanks.

Author: Melanie

I am a massage therapist and part time athlete, blogging life thru a disability lens. On wheels, with flipper and occasionally on feet.

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