Job Vacancy: Managing Director

Fancy the idea of being your own boss? Designing your own job description, doing whatever you like and being paid for it? Never be told what to do ever again: apply now! 

Qualities and attributes needed:

  • Marketing experience. Ability to sell ice to an Eskimo, persuade even the toughest leads to convert, make potential clients realise the need something they knew nothing about essential.
  • Accountancy and book keeping: ability to make the numbers look good at ALL TIMES and under immense pressure is essential.
  • Ability to operate and process payroll: this includes dealing with all government agencies, tax office, IRD and banks as necessary. (This is a time sensitive set of tasks. The employee will be penalised financially for not sticking to the schedule.)
  • Counselling skills: enable even the toughest most challenging staff members to work to their max and love their job, even when they don’t really. We do not expect you to be qualified for this, but expect you to be able to do it anyway.
  • Time management. Ability to fit all tasks into minimum time allowing even more time for more tasks.
  • Social media: ability to regularly post to multiple media platforms and engage with all customers on a 24/7 basis when required. (Although this task is essential, the work hours associated with this are paid if within 9-5 operating time, but unpaid out of hours and expected 24/7)
  • Admin skills: this includes but is not limited to computer skills, printer maintenance, telesales, telemarketing, order processing, invoicing, chasing late payments, processing and maintaining Direct Debit payment schedules, managing staff appointment calendars.
  • Cleaner: full industrial cleaning skills including washing the 3+m high windows, all floors and bathrooms, all offices kitchen. (2 hours work required on Sundays, unpaid overtime)
  • Sewing / fixing / decorating: this includes mending any clothing or linen, fixing any building and fixture related items, decorating and touching up when required.  (This work is unpaid overtime)
  • Personal trainer and group exercise instructor: this includes planning all client programs, all classes and maintaining a client record that shows progress. (Planning time is all unpaid overtime.)
  • Massage therapist. Includes interviewing clients, generating new leads (in unpaid work time) and cleaning / changing massage linen (done on site, but this time is also unpaid overtime).

The applicant for this position must understand and agree to the following:

  • Pay for this position is minimum wage. Working hours are a base minimum of 40 hours per week plus a further possible 30 -50 hours unpaid overtime per week. This overtime may be required at very short (and sometimes no) notice.
  • There is no job description for this position. The employee is expected to know what is required of them.
  • There is no line manager for this position. However failure to complete essential job related tasks could result in immediate expulsion from the position with no notice. It could also result in heavy personal financial penalties.
  • Employee is expected to be on call 24/7 accessible via personal cellphone, which is at cost to them, not the organisation.
  • The job description may (and is likely to) change frequently with no notice. The employee is expected to intuitively know when these changes are required. Failure to do so could result in further personal financial penalties.

Does this sound like you? An opportunity not to be missed: apply now!

*Note: this isn’t an actual vacancy but this is an actual job description; mine. Think being your own boss is rosy and easy? Think again. 

Author: Melanie

I am a massage therapist and part time athlete, blogging life thru a disability lens. On wheels, with flipper and occasionally on feet.

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