The whispers from within

It won’t leave me..

That yearning, for sport.. for challenge, for a purpose, for a goal.

I have been searching for two and a half years. I have read books, absorbed online videos and articles and still it won’t leave me.

The history

I was afraid. Of setting a goal. Of imagining a dream. Afraid of failure. Of a goal too grand.

I dreamed up a few – cavorted with a few, but nothing was really speaking to me. Not like triathlon did.

I remember clearly, that day in July 2009 when I called my mum to tell her I had been selected onto team GB. I had told no one that I was even trying.

Why? Fear I wouldn’t achieve my goal. But why would that matter? I don’t know, but it did.

And sport have become central to my soul ever since. It’s the very essence of me.

I see friends, come and go in and out of retirement but always return and rejoice at crossing that finish line once more.

I miss it. Oh do I miss it.

The middle ground

They say I should forge a new path. Lay new memories. I tried. I even stood on a podium, I proudly wore the silver fern.

But that voice at the back of my mind still whispers to me. I can’t ignore it.

New horizons ?

So I began asking questions. Challenging expectations once again.

Dare I say it out loud?


Fear, hesitation, internal pressure.


There I said it, phew.

Can I qualify.. in the able bodied category?

Can I teach this leg to pedal fast enough?

Can I figure out leg changes standing up?

Can I still swim as fast wearing a blade?

Only time will tell.

Let the battle commence.

Author: Melanie Magowan

I am a massage therapist and part time athlete

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