When was it that we stopped meeting new people in bars and clubs? When did we stop using the skill of conversation to talk to new people?
When did we stop going anywhere at all without having it pre-arranged and already knowing who we are meeting? When did we stop ‘popping round to our mates house for a cuppa’? Where exactly do we meet new people these days?
That’s where it all seems to be happening. And I’m not sure I like it!
The lost art of conversational skills
It wasn’t until I went to Canterbury at the weekend that I realised this. No one talks to anyone anymore.
Have a look around. Even people who are together in cafes are usually looking down at their phones rather than actually talking to each other.
In Southland, a shop assistant will ask how your day is. They will want an answer and consider you to be rude if you don’t answer. Step a few km north and this just stops happening.
We still say hi as we pass you in the street, even if we don’t know you. We will chat to you in the coffee queue, or at the till in the supermarket. No we aren’t weird, or about to mug you. We are just genuine friendly people. Where did this all get lost? Because as soon as I step out of Southland it seems to vanish.
And this isn’t just in New Zealand either. This change is happening the world over.
So when it comes to going on first dates (of which there seems to be many) why am I the one doing all the talking?
Why does no one know how to TALK any more!?!
Meeting new people
I have no problem doing this. Most of the rest of the folk around seem to be terrified. It seems to now be called ‘putting yourself out there’.. but what does that even mean? It feels like we are expected to perform some type of sideshow. Er, no. Here I am, this is how I come. Like it or lump it, my friend.
Literacy is terrible. People don’t use sentences any more in text messages. Hell, they don’t even spell full words out. What the heck?!
And where do you find these people? They all hide behind a persona online. So the decent humans are hiding in plain sight amongst the nitwits and sex maniacs, making it hard to tell who’s who. A lot of the time the dating platform will even allow you to use some random photo that is nothing to do with your real identity.
How do you even know who you are really talking to? Are they really single? What’s their real name? How can you trust anything they say to be true?
The fact is, you can’t.
What is expected of the dating sequence?
Do we chat for a while online first? Head straight to talking on the phone (or face to face)? Once upon a time this was the only way to do it. Now we have personal safety to worry about online AND in person. When did it get so bloody hard?
Some blokes want a txt conversation. Some want a beer and a quick hook up.
Do you get intimate with someone the first time you meet them? It kinda feels like try before you buy!?When I was a teenager this was a massive no-no. But now.. 🤷🏼♀️ we seem to be skipping past the conversational get to know someone part. I don’t like that at all.
For me a relationship is all about the emotional connection with someone primarily. When did we stop caring about this part as much?
These days everyone is in such a hurry, it seems to be all different. The dating scene is soooo confusing! I might just stay single, say some, because it’s much much easier!