Take me as I am…

I don’t know if it is just my PTSD / Depression / anxiety / Autism or what, but at the moment I have very little tolerance for pre assumptions, judgemental non forgiving, rigid thinking people in my life right now.

Having a physical and a mental disability means often people forget the hidden disability is even there. I have a LOT of things to deal with right now, which means that the square peg in round hole analogy that is me trying to fit into a neurotypical world is just getting none of my energy at the moment, because I have none spare.

Deciphering the world when you have autism is incredibly exhausting. Add to that that women are usually better at that mask than men, which means that women don’t get diagnosed till much later in life (age 42 was when I was diagnosed).

Autism isn’t a thing that you can just ‘stop doing’. I take great offense to those people who say ‘well, everyone is a little bit autistic’. NO… THEY ARE NOT/ Autism has a very specific, thorough and comprehensive diagnostics procedure. You have to be able to prove with no uncertainty that the symptoms you present were present from when you were a toddler or pre school. So no, not everyone is a little bit autistic at all.

At the moment all of my energy is being taken in dealing with the PTSD and persistent depressive conditions that i have as a result of my amputation. These are particularly challenging at the moment, probably the worst they have been for years.

My Autism, therefore, is just what it is. I don’t have the energy to ‘normalise myself’ right now. So tough luck everyone, you will just have to take it or leave it, quirks and all.

If you know someone with autism and they are going through a challenging time, know this.

They will tolerate EVERYTHING a lot less than they usually do. Their communication will shut down, they might even shut down. Every autistic person has a way of dealing with overload. And that is what this is.

No it is not a hissy fit or someone being difficult. It is an autistic meltdown and they can take many many guises.

Patience, compassion, and use communication methods that cause least amount of stress to the autistic person – is how you should proceed.

And they will take their own sweet time to sort themselves out. No, this can’t be rushed.

Such is the life of a neurogivergent person with Autism. We think differently. See the world differently. We are DIFFERENT. Not inferior, or weird, just different.

3 thoughts on “Take me as I am…

  1. I feel for you going through all this at the moment…is it a case if chooseing carefully who your true friends are ….no one can begin to understand what you went through lossing your leg but to have gone through your husband letting you down when you needed him the most!! must of been hurtful beyond belief…no wonder you find it hard to trust anyone! don’t yell at me but have you had any counseling …xx

      • That’s good to hear that you are seeing a psychologist…it supposed to help to talk…you must be full of anger and hurt at what he did …I would most certainly be!! ..my ex cheated on me and I will never forgive him for the hurt and most of all the lies ..but my feelings are nothing compared to what you have had to go through…I truly hope in time you can get some peace and a comfort blanket..in the fact he has to live with how he treated you when you needed him the most…
        Thinking if you..

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