I have been struggling mentally the last few weeks. Struggling to get up, to find purpose, to motivate myself to do anything. I have been working hard to overcome these things in the following ways. #fuckptsd #fuckdysthymia
Starting the day
This is often the most difficult part of the day for me. I don’t sleep all that well and when I wake, it takes me a lot of motivation to even get up out of bed some days.
On Monday, Tuesday AND Wednesday, I managed to make it out of bed within an hour of waking. Not only that, I did exercise first in the day. On particularly bad days it can take me up to 3 hours or more. So I feel pretty pleased with this.
My psychologist told me to try and break this cycle of lying there thinking negative thoughts, so I have tried hard to do that this week.
My concrete ASD thinking is my downfall quite often and backs up the negative thoughts of my dysthymia. So this week I told myself that I did NOT have to get dressed and make the bed immediately after I got up. Seems like such a small thing but it allowed me to have breakfast then psych myself up for exercise. Don;t forget, the treadmill and bike are both right next to the kitchen, so I practically look at them as I am eating.
Monday: Zwift 30 minute workout. It is such an internal battle for me to do this. Somewhere in my psyche I seem to think that exercise is pointless if it is less than an hour. On a day when I work, I would always doubt if I can do both. But today I talked myself into it, AND did a workout from the Zwift files that was 30 mins long. #proudofmyself
Tuesday: treadmill walk 2km. I normally do 1km. This week the injured foot is actually starting to calm the heck down, so I hope to hell this means we are on the mend. This allowed me to walk not 1km, but 2km. Lately I have been struggling to walk anywhere. Once again… #proudofmyself
Wednesday: I didn’t want to overdo things so I put a swim into the day instead of legs based exercise. I was up and ready for a medical appt nice and early and intended to swim after. The medical appt was cancelled at the last minute, but I still went for a swim anyway. 2000m. #proudofmyself
Thursday: I have to admit, I had planned to cycle but I have a fairly early regular appt on Thursdays and just couldn’t get myself up early enough to do this before hand. I had work in the afternoon and was still conscious of the foot, so took a rest day. I know I have the habit of boxing on the second things seem ok. I did not want to make that mistake. #proudofmyself
Friday: Struggled this morning. It was almost lunchtime before I got anything at all done. But, again, I am working hard at re-framing my self talk. Today was a day off, I did not have to be anywhere, it is ok to have a rest or time out. I got on Zwift at 11am and hooked into a robo-pacer. I hung out in that ride group for 20km (45 mins). The way I got myself through that was…
ok, 30 mins is not that long.
ok, just one more km
And just one more
Well you may as well get to 20km now, you’re nearly there.
It worked. #proudofmyself
I am working hard at reframing the self talk. That in itself annoys me.. why should I need do do this. But I do. MH is what I am dealing with whether I like it or not. So its time to make myself accountable.
Successes
- Got out of bed within the hour 4 times out of 5 this week.
- Did exercise 4 days out of 5
- Reframed my negative self talk about exercise duration and didn’t let it bring me down
- When I was struggling, I talked it though with my partner who helped me see a bit of reason.
- Used reading as a relaxation technique / time out
- re-subscribed to headspace and started using it again. (It was really helping – till I let my subscription lapse).
Tips to help you if you are struggling mentally
- Be your own cheerleader. Celebrate the positives despite how small they are.
- Little and often is easier to cope with mentally. This is really working for me exercise wise.
- Set small goals to get you through, rather than looking at the big picture and letting it overwhelm you.
